Part -II Plethora of Screw Ups!!
As my good friend Jerry quoted "Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age travels alone".As i have seen till now ,craziness and stupidity together are a potent combination for disasters and..the idiotics that can be presented with these qualities..sky is the limit!! The kid went to college with a feeling of being left out of his 'flock'(His 'flock' being scattered across IITs and NITs!!)During the first year of college He met friends for the first time that mattered..For the first time ever he understood why friendship was a big deal!It was everything when ur with ur best friends!!And then it happened..I mean it was just a matter of time..It happens with everyone..Some time in their life!!He fell In love!!Oh the most beautiful feeling!!You just had to hear the voice ,see the girl.I mean there was just no other option...U Just keep on wondering what the girl is doing right now..And then he finally said the three words..Of course the reaction wasn't what he was hoping for..I would call it the Premature Proposal Syndrome which i would gratuitously define as proposing way before of when u should actually propose without at least double checking if the girl is in the same mental state as you are(read :if she actually gives a crap about you!)and make yourself looking like a complete jackass.Of course for the girl it was a surprise and she was a bit taken aback..and kinda played along with it..But Very very soon she made her stance very clear..It was not going to happen.
I personally respect the girl for her decision of telling things upfront considering most girls usually play hard to get but make u believe that u still have a shot..(making you spend eternity waiting for that shot)The kid in this story wasn't so wise to have that thought(i mean the 'kid' was still not out of his teens!)Besides there was this extra complication..Although the kid never accepted it.(Both of them were at logger heads all the time).this girl was also his best friend(something he never told anyone,except just to her much later)..He found her to be at the same level(wavelength if i may!!)as he was..The way friendships were of a puzzling affair for both of them only made him closer to her.The way she perceived life was so much similar to what he always had in his mind..there were plenty of things common to both of them or that was what he thought...Love plays with your mind after all..(But one thing was sure,if she wasn't a girl,she would have been the kid's best friend!!The kid knew that!It was great talking to her..She was smart and nice).Anyway the most puzzling thing about her was that she was a closed shell..She rarely ever opened her mind freely..Then again the kid never opened his mind either..But others never knew it was a closed book..The girl although seemed to be handling it all pretty well..Perhaps all this elevated and metamorphosized as the most beautiful feeling a boy will ever feel to a girl,love!
You know the phrase when they tell u to fight till the last breath..They should have added the subclause that u have to bail when it is time to bail!!Of course in time,the kid simply would not let go..hoping that the tides would change.It was because Somebody told the kid that true love lasts forever.I mean what kind of advice was that???People fall in love and everytime it feels like true love!!No thanks to that guy for his stupendous advice!!.When things are not going the way you want,u bail to prevent straining a relationship..Obviously things got ugly and both of them wouldn't speak to each other with fights and each recuperation taking more time than the previous one..finally it became months before the two of them spoke..The gap and separation was becoming more and more evident..
Hold on a second..What about his engineering life in the second,third and fourth years...???
You know how hard it is to remember the details of a dream when u wake up..Too hazy..Everything was too hazy for the kid..almost like a dream except that it actually happened..Engineering was supposed to be easy..There was no way in hell this could be hard for the kid..Until that point everything was so easy..He would always get to be leader,be the first,always be in the limelight,get things he wanted..The kid didn't have to put any effort..Life was easy..But Engineering was nothing like that..Nearly everyone has enjoyed their college life..For most people college life is the best time of their lives.Even the boy's father had the best times in college...But for the kid..Boy...It was way too hard!Few friends.and the number kept diminishing everyday..Isolated..A self Destructive phase ensued which was a chain reaction which bought more isolation..and self destruction..
End of 4th year...nearly june 2011...I finally become self-aware..I realise My actions actually have consequences.What i do affects things around me..If I break a vase..I can't expect the vase to be there again ever no matter how much i wish for it..Because at this point i realised a lot of vases had been broken in the last 3 years..
Wondering why i changed the narration style from third person to first person??
It seems that somebody was living my life for the past 3 years,screwed it up as much as they could and handed it back to me and says"Good Luck with that!!"..Too many friends i lost!I have no one to blame but myself..Almost like an alter ego destroys your life and after everything is in embers you are put in control of whatever is left..If I could go back in time,I would kick my ass and prevent the numerous things i now regret from happening ever...
Right now..I am in a software company..I feel like i am receiving a dose of my own medicine..Once upon a time I condescended software companies to no small extent..I loathed the idea totally..But eventually the guys who went to those colleges that i despised are with me now..But this place is where i am rebuilding my life..Now if that is not ironic i don't know what is!!But as with every experience i have learned it is that there are some things that have no shortcuts..For a very long time everything was so easy for me,even when i saw my friends struggling.U will never know when the tables turn..but it will..and it will be at a moment u never expect..U can never ever claim to be humble until you have actually been humbled by life.(This is something i always have in the back of my mind).You will never ever appreciate life for what it gives when the stuff it gives to u is the stuff u take for granted!Take away all that stuff and you open your eyes..
Granted,My stay @ my current job will be short as it is a temp job..and the work here isn't awesome per se..I have become great friends with people from college whom i never would have known otherwise..and you know what..this is one of the best times of my life!I am fortunate enough to stay with my best friends..I mean itz been a long time since things were this good..I am grateful!
Finally after what seems like an eternity,I am in control of my life.I can do stuff that i want.I live on intuition..I excel when i live on intuition..and i have ignored it for a long time now..It feels great to be back..I have so much plans to do..and the best part is...I am actually working on some of it!!I don't know what the future holds in store for me..I might have rough times ahead no doubt..But never ever will i let go of life like that ever!!This boat is far from being capsized.
To my parents who always pointed me to the right choices..But i ignored them.Dear appa & amma,sometimes no matter how much u tell me not to put my finger in the candle flame,i still have to check if my finger will actually burn.!.To one person who has been with me thick and thin..through my little pains and happiness..Sis,I know ur reading this.I really really miss u..U pulled me up from hell and showed me glimpses of heaven.Forever indebted!And finally to Menon &my bunch of friends from Lms who showed me a non believer,why friends are forever!U guys are and will always be the best!Signing off..Off to live my life the way i want it..and to make my own destiny.